Showing posts tagged sex
Query: Who does OSHA apply to? OSHA?  OSHA?!  I swear to God, Julio.  If you weren’t so good-looking and gullible, I would’ve canned your ass years ago.  Now, you and Tiffany get back in that standing sixty-nine and let’s wrap this shoot.  BREAK’S OVER! View high resolution

Query: Who does OSHA apply to?

OSHA?  OSHA?!  I swear to God, Julio.  If you weren’t so good-looking and gullible, I would’ve canned your ass years ago.  Now, you and Tiffany get back in that standing sixty-nine and let’s wrap this shoot.  BREAK’S OVER!

Query: How to apply eyeliner? After tucking you package back under your taint and keeping it in place with some twine, slowly pull the stockings over your freshly-shaved legs.  Take care and don’t stretch the fabric, as it is not made for your man-sized upper legs.  Slap your cheeks a few times to bring out that rosy hue.  Now, turn up The Cure and slowly apply eyeliner.  Then…put on a little more.  Take the No. 4 bus down to the docks and stand somewhere conspicuous.  Now…we play the waiting game. View high resolution

Query: How to apply eyeliner?

After tucking you package back under your taint and keeping it in place with some twine, slowly pull the stockings over your freshly-shaved legs.  Take care and don’t stretch the fabric, as it is not made for your man-sized upper legs.  Slap your cheeks a few times to bring out that rosy hue.  Now, turn up The Cure and slowly apply eyeliner.  Then…put on a little more.  Take the No. 4 bus down to the docks and stand somewhere conspicuous.  Now…we play the waiting game.

Query: Can a woman come? In my experience?  Nope.  It’s just another Internet myth like that Balloon Boy or really hot lesbians. View high resolution

Query: Can a woman come?

In my experience?  Nope.  It’s just another Internet myth like that Balloon Boy or really hot lesbians.

Query: How do I get my sister to sleep with me? The first step is setting the mood.  I like to call that mood ‘unconscious’.  Take a few Vicodins from mom’s top drawer.  You know she won’t miss ‘em.  Grind them som’bitches up real fine and when sis is captivated by Grave Digger doing battle with Truckasaurus, slip that pixie dust in her Dew.  Shit, brother, by the time they come back out for the third heat to crown the Monster Jam champ-een, you’ll be nibblin’ on a siblin’ if you know what I’m saying.  Up top! View high resolution

Query: How do I get my sister to sleep with me?

The first step is setting the mood.  I like to call that mood ‘unconscious’.  Take a few Vicodins from mom’s top drawer.  You know she won’t miss ‘em.  Grind them som’bitches up real fine and when sis is captivated by Grave Digger doing battle with Truckasaurus, slip that pixie dust in her Dew.  Shit, brother, by the time they come back out for the third heat to crown the Monster Jam champ-een, you’ll be nibblin’ on a siblin’ if you know what I’m saying.  Up top!

Query: What are my chances of having twins? I’m no statistician, but I do know that your odds increase if you let both guys finish inside you. View high resolution

Query: What are my chances of having twins?

I’m no statistician, but I do know that your odds increase if you let both guys finish inside you.

Query: Can all women gush? Kid…have I got a website for you.  Grab a snorkel. View high resolution

Query: Can all women gush?

Kid…have I got a website for you.  Grab a snorkel.

Query: Could my dog be pregnant? No way, man.  Human sperm can’t fertilize a dog egg.  Plus, she’d have to have been in heat, and the odds of that…Oh, by another dog?  Wha…yeah, of course, by another dog.  I was just…I was just…I know.  Gross, right?  Hey!  Let’s see what’s on the TV. View high resolution

Query: Could my dog be pregnant?

No way, man.  Human sperm can’t fertilize a dog egg.  Plus, she’d have to have been in heat, and the odds of that…Oh, by another dog?  Wha…yeah, of course, by another dog.  I was just…I was just…I know.  Gross, right?  Hey!  Let’s see what’s on the TV.

Query: How can college students make money? Well, you sure are pretty.  Have you ever modeled?  No, I’m serious…Yes, you could.  I have a really nice camera.  I…um used to freelance for Vogue. Seriously.  Tell you what; why don’t you follow me to my place?  I’ll pick up some wine to relax and we can see how the shoot goes.  You’re not allergic to opiates are you?  Probably not.  Forget it.  Let’s go. View high resolution

Query: How can college students make money?

Well, you sure are pretty.  Have you ever modeled?  No, I’m serious…Yes, you could.  I have a really nice camera.  I…um used to freelance for Vogue. Seriously.  Tell you what; why don’t you follow me to my place?  I’ll pick up some wine to relax and we can see how the shoot goes.  You’re not allergic to opiates are you?  Probably not.  Forget it.  Let’s go.

Query: When does Miley Cyrus turn 18? About two years after the feds kick in your door and find those photos saved in the folder you’ve so cleverly labeled Tax Returns ‘08.  View high resolution

Query: When does Miley Cyrus turn 18?

About two years after the feds kick in your door and find those photos saved in the folder you’ve so cleverly labeled Tax Returns ‘08. 

Query: When did I conceive calculator? Remember when you met that nice calculator at the bar?  The way he made you laugh when he made his display say 8008LE55?  A few drinks.  A few laughs.  You went back to his place and things got heated.  You ran your hand over his plus key and solar strip.  Right when you came, you looked into his display and it said ERROR.  That was the moment.  Calculator begins at conception. View high resolution

Query: When did I conceive calculator?

Remember when you met that nice calculator at the bar?  The way he made you laugh when he made his display say 8008LE55?  A few drinks.  A few laughs.  You went back to his place and things got heated.  You ran your hand over his plus key and solar strip.  Right when you came, you looked into his display and it said ERROR.  That was the moment.  Calculator begins at conception.